The Gentle Art of Doing the Most Important Things
A monthly recap and look ahead: a whirlwind of travel, one-on-one time with my kiddos, and noticing that good is always around me.
July, summer’s shining star.
We’re all knee deep in summer now… doesn’t it feel good? I hope you’ve been cherishing the season so far and are finding happiness exactly where your feet are. I’m so grateful to say that I sure have been and plan to continue on doing so.
I’ve been thinking about our culture and the reasons I love summer so endlessly much. One such reason that keeps sitting with me is that summer deserves all the admiration and flattery because it feels like the one break in the calendar (in America, at least) when there is some loosening of the reins around productivity and the idea that work is the most important way to measure ourselves. In a world in which work can be round the clock with no off switch, lines can blur really easily around what we “should” be doing. I’ve found that, as a mother, I can’t manage the blurred lines very well at all so I tend to favor turning the nozzle to the right to shut off what I’m not doing in order to be super present with the here and now. Lefty loosey, righty tighty. It works better with work or my general life to-do list – I can turn those things right off to be with my kids or to be fulfilling their needs (i.e. cooking dinner), a wonderful feeling. Things slip much more to the left when I’m “getting things done” because you never stop thinking about your kids, do you? I can fall victim to thoughts of “should I be with my kids right now instead of working on this?” Perhaps that is why I work at night so much, because I can’t be with my kids. They are asleep! I’ve reflected a lot on if I “should” step away from any sort of work so that my brain is never tethered to a deadline when I’m with or want to be with my kids. What would that look and feel like for my family and me? I can imagine a lot of positives but I also imagine that I’d be daydreaming of writing or creating or financially contributing. I really genuinely enjoy what I do. It is simple. It isn’t a big thing like teaching, my career from my pre-kids life, but it fulfills me and has enhanced my life in more ways than I could write here, right now. And, I love the relationships with you all that writing and sharing on the internet has given me. So, I keep working because it makes me happy and contributes to our family. I try not to blur the lines, try not to think about what I should be doing at any given time. Summer has a way of making me want, more than any other time of year, to step away from everything in favor of summer with my kids. I’ve mused before about how one of my favorite parts of motherhood is reliving childhood summer so I guess I really just am who I am.
P.S. This post is too long for email so click through to Substack to read it in full.
When you crawl in bed at the end of the day, do you look back at your day and reflect on all the things you did do and accomplish or do you stew over the things you didn’t check off the list? I’m the first to admit that I can do the latter and it is not a positive way to end the day. Slipping into bed and turning off my brain to thoughts of what I didn’t do can leave me feeling unaccomplished, drained, and stressed. I have three kids and do not have childcare every day so, inevitably, I have hanging chads every day. Thanks to social media, we have so many daily unasked for reminders of what everyone else is doing and accomplishing.
Summer is a reminder to focus on other things, the important things because isn’t it actually true that we do get the most important things done every day? Every day, I cook meals for my family, I tell my husband he's the sun, I tell my boys I have oceans and oceans of love for them, I maintain our house for our family, I prep snacks for my boys, I play with my boys and have fun with them, I write and create content because I love it, I read to my boys, I walk, I try to get other exercise, I go outside and appreciate my life, I connect with my friends and family, I kiss my boys a million times over, I do so much. Some things may not feel like they are big and important or propelling me forward in life or giving me a great big life – i.e. laundry – but each one of these daily things is an accomplishment I’d be foolish to take for granted. We do so much in a day and always, always do the important things. On the days when I feel that I’ve seemingly done “nothing” I’ve never once had to ask myself, “did my family feel loved by me today?” I’ve never had to ask because I’ve never doubted it. It’s a reminder to me that, on those days, I have done so much. I’ve made 4 people feel loved in a million ways, big and small, loudly and quietly, in plain sight and hidden in the minutiae. Every day, I know my family goes to bed feeling loved so I’ve done a whole lot. Perspective shifts like this are important. They can really rock the boat for me, in the best way, when they hit me at the exact moment I need them.
I write these monthly posts over the course of multiple sittings and multiple days, sometimes those days are scattered throughout multiple weeks. I really reflect, gather what I’m thinking about and what is important to me right now, write, edit, write some more. I aim for an arch but sometimes they are finalized as more of a meandering collection of ideas, like if you wandered around my brain for a little while, opening and closing doors. In an effort to drive home my proclamation that we do, in fact, get the most important things done every single day, I wrote down what I did on a Monday at home so I could see… did I do it, the most important things?
I woke up and admired my middle son, Henry, who had snuck in bed between Edwin and me overnight. I, too caught in my slumber to usher him back to his own bed in the small hours, then loved starting my day looking at his peaceful, sleeping face. I snuggled him so he’d subconsciously feel loved as he started his day.
I got up with my youngest, Peter, and had one-on-one play time with him before his brothers got up. We played with lots of little baby musical toys/instruments and stacking toys. He laughed breezily and smiled easily.
I got my boys dressed and ready for the day. I made them breakfast and started prepping their lunches.
I took them all to drop Rowan off at tennis camp.
I picked up the dogs from our dog sitter as we had just returned from being away.
I unpacked the boys from the trip while Henry and Peter played beside me.
I took Henry and Peter to my sister’s new Charleston house to see her, their uncle, and cousin.
I picked up Rowan and asked him all about his morning at tennis. He was brimming with excitement and I was thrilled to be on the receiving end of his recounting of the morning.
I made all 5 of us lunch and ate lunch at our kitchen table with Rowan, Henry, and Peter.
I got Peter and Henry down for their naps.
I set Rowan up with “ingredients” to make potions while I took a work call.
I asked our nanny to come (Monday is not a usual day for her) for 2 hours so I could unpack more, fold laundry, and do some necessary work.
I made our family a big dinner.
I enjoyed dinner with my family, all chatting (or babbling in the case of Peter) about our days.
I played with the boys in a fort they built earlier with our nanny.
I put all three kids in the bath for bath time while Edwin cleaned up after dinner.
I read Little Blue Truck to Peter and put him to bed after Edwin had a little time with him and I stayed with the big boys for a longer bath.
I read Hello Lighthouse and started a new Magic Treehouse book with Rowan and Henry.
I tucked Rowan and Henry into bed and did all of our nightly routines together, along with Edwin.
I played cards with Edwin and talked with him about the day, the trip we just went on, a hope I have for the future, his workday, and the kids.
I showered and I sat down to work on my computer.
I filled water bottles, put on shoes, changed diapers, meal prepped, made snacks, fed the dogs, organized toys, and hugged my boys so many times. I made weekend plans with my friends. I committed to a workout later in the week for me. I apologized to Edwin when I was short with him for no reason at all other than because I was tired. I shared with him something he was doing that was throwing me off kilter. I was there to pick up Rowan from camp to hear about how his friend was sick but he made a new friend and was still so happy about the morning. I was the last face my boys saw before closing their eyes at the end of the day. I did so much.
I can’t even tell you how easy it would be for me to look at this day and focus on all the things I didn’t do, instead of focusing on all the things I did do. I wasn’t at my computer or running errands so, I didn’t do a lot. I didn’t do a hundred things but I did the most important things – so many of those things are things we (me included!) routinely don’t give ourselves credit for. I’m letting summer be a reminder of what truly matters and that I can end the day and tell myself, I did so much.
I recently came across a post on Instagram that read like this:
“A friend made the suggestion to start a note in my phone called “good things are always happening to me” and to purposefully find something to add to it every day. Absolute game changer.”
How beautiful is that? I’d like this on a needlepoint pillow. The practice of actually writing down good things that happen to you everyday is so powerful. In all honesty, when I read this, I didn’t feel that I was in a place to need reminders of how marvelous life can be but I decided to try it anyway. The practice of doing this has been really compelling. It feels like therapy that is free. Noticing, being aware of all the good around you, slowing down to write it down, and rereading it at the end of the day - I bet you’d be surprised at how much good you found in your day. Each time one of my boys out of the blue tells me he loves me, it washes away any residue of frustration from sibling squabbles or selective hearing. Try doing it today and see, at the end of the day, what kind of smile is across your face while reading back all the good you found in your day.
Summer, the season of finding happiness in what you already have, being where your feet are, doing the most important things, measuring yourself through love, and finding the good.
If I put my head on a swivel and spun around to look at June, I wouldn't believe all we did (and didn’t do!) and how fast it all went. I usually love to be home in Charleston in June because it is a blast to be bopping back and forth day after day to the beach and the pool with the kids and all our buddies. Most people are around and it’s hot but not unbearable. It feels like summer in a great way. However, this year, we were hardly home. I can’t complain though because we took the kids to the Bahamas for a family trip, just the five of us, and then we left for California for a few weeks. Edwin didn’t even come home between the two trips because of a job so he was only home for a few days right at the beginning of the month.
My highlight of the time we were home was my special day with Henry. I did a special day with Rowan back in May and June brought around Henry’s turn. We went for a neighborhood walk, he picked out a toy at the toy store + one toy for each of his brothers (he’s a lover!), per his request we then enjoyed pizza and peel and eat shrimp, we savored drippy ice cream, and we spent hours on the beach. Henry was so beat at the end of his very special day that he fell asleep in the wagon on the walk back to the car - a sign of a very, very good day. June at home was also dotted with other bits of fun - I went to Croghan’s for their new store opening, I did a girls night with 3 dear girlfriends at Roseline and The Dewberry, I went on countless walks, I celebrated the birthday of one of my best at a table by the water full of marvelous friends, I grilled with my family, I experimented with pizza recipes with my mom, I enjoyed a summer garden party with J.McLaughlin, I admired the summer blooms all around town, I made the boys so many fun summer meals - lots of them picnic style!, I remembered how much I love the Goop Glow exfoliator, and I watched my boys play, run, wrestle, search, observe, and enjoy life! June, at home, was great!
The Bahamas were the absolute best (blog post coming tomorrow with my full Exumas travel guide), a trip we will always remember. It was perfect in the sense that everyone was so happy, everything went off without a hitch, and we all got to explore a brand new place together. So many memories were made. Edwin says this special week with just our family on Exuma is his highlight of the summer so far.
We spent the last week and a half of June in California. California, oh California. I need more room to talk about the end of June and beginning of July in California because it was just everything and more. I still haven’t come down from it. I think when I write my July monthly recap post, I’ll really dive into how special this trip was because I am still reflecting on the joy, beauty, and business of it all. A truly marvelous few weeks.
This month’s collage is a love letter to one of my favorite places, Nantucket. It’s a place I’ve been so many times and know I will always return to. I’ve been fortunate enough to go with my family, with Edwin, with couples, with girlfriends, and with my children and my friend’s children. Some trips are pure fun and others are healing in a way that only a place as special as Nantucket can be. A place that makes you want to forgo seeing somewhere new in favor of returning to the same grassy meadows, the same serene walking trails, the same perfect sandwich, the same ocean waves, the same gray shingles - it’s a place I want to be. I’d go back to Nantucket over and over again over anywhere else. The little island has made me whole when I was overcome with grief and despair, it has made be absolutely overjoyed when I’ve watched my best friends get engaged, it has made it blissfully content when I’ve watched my boys eat blueberry muffins in Sconset and lick ice cream cones in town. There is no place like it. So, for anyone with a Nantucket aesthetically-minded soul right now, this collage is for you.
If your summer still has a trip to Nantucket on the horizon, this is what I’d recommend slipping into your suitcase….
Stripe cotton sweater in ‘Alice Walk blue and white stripe’ or the cashmere getaway sweater in ‘ice blue’
My absolute favorite can’t-live-without white jeans
Red and white floral applique dress
White cotton poplin dress
Blue bouquet kaftan
Date night halter dress
On my radar:
Recipes:
A perfect key lime pie
5 things to do with corn, tomato, and broth
Books:
I’ve heard really excellent things about Room on the Sea: 'Master of the Modern Love Story’
Podcasts:
Gwyneth on places that changed her
Exciting Launches:
The new mists from Lake & Skye are so fun! I don’t usually go for products like this but I love the brand and am a coconut fanatic so the coconut milk scent convinced me I needed it.
The high summer capsule from Minnow x Over the Moon will have you high on summer. The americana blossom print!!!
Bougie Gougies launched a limited edition hatch chili and cheddar flavor for summer! I made a batch for a beach happy hour last week and they had everyone reaching for more. The chili kick is to die for!
Artist Lia Burke Libaire launched on Moda!!
The star of the ‘Sunset Beach Capsule’ for me is undeniably my favorite dress silhouette from the brand in ‘navy sheer plaid’ (must-have! I have it in 3 colors/prints) and the Faris Skirt and Clara Top combo.
Miscellaneous Reads:
You’ll drop to the floor when you see this Gil Shafer x Rita Konig Hamptons house. A true case for comfort over flash.
Is it still okay? My eyes really welled up reading these beautiful words.
Speaking of Nantucket… the best places to see hydrangeas on Nantucket
This South Carolina project from Bess Dubose stopped me right in my very own tracks - snippets of it here, here, and here. I need to nap here!
Every Wes Anderson movie, explained by Wes Anderson (this is technically a watch, not a read)
A guide to the East Hampton Antiques and Design Show (I’m keeping this in mind for next year!)
Thank you for reading and for following along with my Substack. I so hope you enjoyed this longer post. If you made it this far and feel so inclined, I’d be grateful to you if you could give the post a heart just below here. It helps others find me on Substack and helps me grow. :) Thank you so very much! My monthly recap posts are my way of getting my stream of consciousness thoughts down on paper and to share what is restoring, refreshing, and renewing me right now. My wish is that it will stir something in you and inspire you to add a new idea or a little extra bit of beauty to your life. I will see you on Thursday for my next installment of my weekly post, The Catch-Up.
Loved this article so much. It can feel like so much when trying to “balance” it all and this is the first thing I’ve read that stopped me in my tracks and was like “ No savor it all”. Thank you!!
I love this! Haven't finished reading it all but what I've read so far has already impacted my day by making me feel great about all the big little things I do for my family every day! Thank you!